Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
