At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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