Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
where am i from again
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
