Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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