Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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