My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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