Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
