Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
