I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
