I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
