so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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