It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
