Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
