I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
