the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you will always have a special place in my vag
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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