Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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