New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
