Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
