I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
