Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
