whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
