Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
