His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
