I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
