He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
