That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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