Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
