No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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