yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
