so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
