why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
