just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The air was thick with penises
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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