Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
