She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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