You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
