SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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