I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize