Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you traded sex for a burrito?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
