that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
