I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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