We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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