well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
