i wish starbucks made bloody marys
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
