What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
where are my eyebrows?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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