How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize