dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize