Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
