I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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