I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just had sex bonerless
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
