Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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