if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
