1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
