True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
