put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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