I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
