I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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