I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
