I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize