His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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