Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
