how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
