cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
