Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
