listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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